trigger warning: self harm, eating disorders, possibly suicideRead more
I hate grocery shopping passionately. Nothing freaks me out so much as a grocery store, really. It’s awful. Anyway I just went with my mom — to TWO grocery stores — and got food for my week, mostly ingredients for “taco salad” (thanks Sheroes!) and a hearty potato soup. I am going to start work on the soup in a bit but first am hiding in my room, shaking and crying and drinking chai tea. Going to curl up in my chair (NOT my bed) and read (new book: The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta) and drink tea and try and stop shaking before I go to the kitchen and start cooking.
UGH. Grocery shopping. WORST EVER.
Reblogged for shared sentiments.
Saw the gp today, and he got on to the cmht and was talking about getting me assessed by the duty team today, but instead I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday, someone I saw a few times last year.
I’m struggling to care about any of this. Hardly said anything in the appointment. Tired of it all. I’d rather be left alone.
Though I tend to wear my feelings fairly openly, today might be a little bit like this. Mask on.
Lack of motivation, withdrawn, isolated, tired, tearful, ready to abandon the world, ready to abandon everything. tired leave me alone I don’t want to be here I don’t want to know please help me please leave me alone. None of this makes sense. Let me rest. There is no peace.
I’m ready to abandon myself. Trying to look after myself but all that means is giving up. Coping though. Fine I’m fine. Talk to me don’t talk to me leave me alone.
Let me curl up in a corner and do nothing and be nothing.
Back to work - my first shift here since January. Hoping it goes ok. I realised I’ve forgotten all the codes, but apart from that everything should be more or less automatic… Biggest worry is working with a manager and an AM I’ve never met before. Not looking forward to all the how are you/what have you been doing/what are you doing now/what’s next questions, but whatever.