So much truth.
(tw: depression, suicide)
Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
please don’t hate me I’m sorry I can’t I wish but it’s all too hard and I’m sorry
so today still has its badness
I’ve been outside, and I’ve showered, and now I have internet and library books and oreo chocolate and candles and the sound of rain on the skylights.
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward."
While others move on, graduate, get degrees, dissapear off on magical adventures, meet new people, pursue their careers and talents and dreams and become extraordinary, you are merely trying to survive.
You have been sick for so long that you forget what it means to be well. You have sacrificed school and uni and your job, not to mention friends and amazing opportunities and (it rather goes without saying) your health. Your days are filled, not with fun and freedom and the pursuit of happiness (or something like that), but with endless appointments, therapy, doctors visits, blood tests, meal plans from your dietician, psychiatric evaluations, and, perhaps, if you are unlucky (lucky?) enough, inpatient stays.
While others are moving on with their lives, you are desperately trying to cling on to it, life.
You have been so low that often you never thought you’d live to see another year, yet here you stand. You’re greatest achievement is this- you are alive. It is no mean feat, considering where you were/are. Despite all odds, you live and breathe. For someone with a mental disorder, this is an incredible achievement, but still, it fucking hurts.
To see your friends and the people you grew up with, living, actually, properly living, and all you can say is this; “I am alive”.
1841. I am right here and alive and luckier than so many other people with mental health issues and for today, this will have to be enough.
Feeling this really strongly at the moment.
I’m turning 24 this month, living with my parents, working a part-time minimum-wage job and struggling to cope with that.
- the climber.
I need to keep this.
Crying in the staff room because I can’t cope with work.
I have to go to work through the snow and try not to end up taking time out in the staff room while I try to stop crying and shaking. I have to try to understand what people are saying when they talk to me and I have to be helpful and friendly and alive.
I wish I could stay curled up in a corner of my bed.
NO NO NO. I am TIRED of people being broken. ENOUGH. Enough of people suffering and being sad and hating and hurting and blaming themselves. It isn’t FAIR and it needs to STOP NOW. It needs to STOP.