July 2012
99 posts
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Day 69
trigger warning: self harm
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food: regular breakfast. regular (early) lunch - a bit of brownie then and the rest a few hours later. Large dinner. Not hungry but just needed the fuel I guess.
company: colleagues, and I saw a bit of my sister. Saw the poet briefly.
work: 8 hour shift. Quite quiet, held back.
activity: showered etc., lift to work. Full day - may have gathered...
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“It is funny how you do not miss affection until it is given, but once it is, it...”
– Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing (via gaygangster)
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Day 68
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food: grazed - leftover-lunch at 3pm, leftover-dinner at 8pm.
company: family a bit. phone calls from the poet.
work: no
activity: reading/music/internets/tv. Annnd I did the forms for a couple of bonds.
rest: slept 11pm? - 2pm. Mild night sweats.
feeling: bit distant, withdrawn. And I’ve been crying. Heartrate moments of being irregular/high.
mood: 4? 3?...
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Chasing Yellow Cars
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Goodlier: Monochrome Monday →
goodlier:
I’m not usually one for motivational posters or prints of inspiring quotes, but the Holstee manifesto came into my life at just the right time, and I couldn’t resist buying this letterpress of it. It reminds me of all the excitement that I felt at the beginning of this year; of making…
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Day 65
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food: late breakfast. skipped out on lunch, had a small snack in the afternoon. regular/large dinner.
company: colleagues; later the poet and his family.
work: 4 hour shift. Intensive, did reasonably well.
activity: showered, took the train to work. Worked. Walked to the poet’s house, chilled.
rest: slept 10.30pm - 9am, still tired. Hard to get up. Fell asleep...
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“So this is a call for each of you to remember herself and himself, to reach for...”
– Audre Lorde (via blacqueerwomyn)
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Day 64
trigger warning: self harm
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food: normal-ish breakfast. An ice cream cone for lunch, then a snack when I got home late afternoon. Regular dinner, plus cake.
company: colleagues; a couple of hours with the poet; family around.
work: 4 hour shift. Quiet.
activity: Showered, train to work. Shift. Walked to the gardens, read for an hour or so. Train back, went to the...
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Day 63
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food: regular breakfast. Light lunch. Regular dinner. Biscuits.
company: family around
work: no
activity: read a book. went to the gym (80 minutes or so). read. took a shower. internets. television (sociably).
rest: hard to get to sleep - went and lay on the ground outside and stared at the sky for a while. slept 2am - 10.30am.
feeling: ok mostly. don’t really...
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On the Up & Up: magickal-autistic-cat:... →
magickal-autistic-cat:
the-third-hobbit:
a-bayani:
lemuffinmistress:
ruvy:
I think that people forget that condoms protect you from more than just pregnancy.
And there is no morning after pill for HIV.
ACTUALLY THERE IS.
It’s called post exposure prophylaxis.
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Day 63
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food: normal breakfast, kind of weird small late lunch, normal dinner.
company: colleagues. my father and sister, a little bit.
work: 4 hour shift (11-3). Think I did well.
activity: took a shower, train to work, worked, went to the gardens and read for an hour or so, train home. Internets. Curled up in bed. Watched a documentary. Talked to my mother. Cried.
rest: slept...
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Day 62
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food: normal breakfast, sort of had a few snacks during the morning but no proper lunch as such. Decent dinner out.
company: the poet in the morning, sister & friends in the evening.
work: no no
activity: dropped home by the poet. Reading/lying in the garden/internets. Went to the gym (40 minute work out). Home, train into the city, met up with people. Talking. Train...
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Day 61
trigger warning: self harm
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food: regular breakfast, small late snack-lunch, regular dinner (made by the poet)
company: family around, poet in the afternoon/evening
work: no
activity: reading/music/internets. Messed around with a cut a bit. Went to the gym - 40 minutes or so workout. Home Train into town, met the poet, back to his. Reading, talking.
rest: slept 12am - 6am...
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“It’s all real. Think about it. Haven’t Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected...”
– Kyle Broflovski (via palcota)
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Day 60
trigger warning: eating disorder, self harm
Part of me wants to drop this whole tracking thing - my uni cpn asked me to do it, and I’m not seeing her any more and chances are the new people won’t know or care. Guess I might as well keep on with it til I see them, at least.
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food: regular breakfast. small late lunch on my break (restriction?). decent supper (made...
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“She struggled with her sadness, but tried to conceal it, to divide it into...”
– Great House by Nicole Krauss (via sickly-thin)
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Day 59
trigger warning: self harm
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food: regular breakfast, regular (large?) lunch, regular dinner.
company: spent time with sister, and my parents were around.
work: none
activity: made gp appointment, showered, went to appointment. Went into the supermarket on the way back but didn’t buy anything. Came home and looked after my sister for a while. Dossed on the internet....
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UK map of cuts to disability services: How is your... →
I just moved home to a blue county.
Stupid ridiculous conservative government budget cuts hurting people who are already hurting.
Also: case studies
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Huh.
trigger warning: eating disorders
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So apparently I weigh less than I thought. (Still perfectly healthy, no worries.) It’s just… strange that my assumptions are off like that - I was maybe half a stone out - and I kind of don’t know what to make of it especially as I have been feeling a little bit ed-ish recently.
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Day 58
trigger warning: self harm, possibly eating disorder.
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food: small difficult breakfast. regular lunch. biscuits. huge supper, uncomfortably full.
company: climber in the morning, father during the day, sister and friends in the evening.
work: pinned down and packed.
activity: finished organising/packing stuff and loaded the car. Went into school to collect work from there...
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Day 57
trigger warnings: self harm, eating disorder
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food: slice of toast for breakfast, no lunch, half a jacket and salad for dinner.
company: the climber came down
work: no
activity: cwtched in bed. some self injury, not serious. met tc in town, wandered back. Walked up around the park, watched a film. Cried some.
rest: slept 12am - 8am, and maybe a little bit late...
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Wild Geese--Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the...
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Day 56
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food: regular breakfast. cookie at lunchtime, toast late afternoon. Salad with pita in the evening, plus hot chocolate.
company: people around the house looking after me & gave me hugs. Plus I dropped by work, and I had a brief phonecall from the poet.
work: no go
activity: spent the morning curled up in bed. Saw cpn. Went to pick stuff up from work, wandered...
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Day 55
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food: small breakfast, late second breakfast, small-ish early dinner, snack before bed.
company: the climber and a friend of his. Plus phone call to purplegirl.
work: no
activity: Train up to meet people. Two or three hours of climbing (feeling shaky; max heart rate >200 bpm). Watched a couple of films. Train back.
rest: slept 11pm (ish) - 8am.
feeling: not good....
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